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  • ZerGoth
    Level 1

    Have you heard about the newest pirate movie yet? It's supposed to be rated Arrr...
  • raytray25
    Level 1

    AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

    Microsofts board meeting:
    Supervisors: we have no progress as of yet
    Boss: well than we need to give something to the ppl
    Supervisors: we'll need at least 3 more days
    Boss: how about we just take w/e everyone else has and just put the words *New Inovative design* in front of it?
    Supervisors:we could do that in a couple of days...
  • Wed Jan 11 2006, 09:53pm
      
    Z-Man
    Level 8



    There may be duplicate in there somewhere... too lazy to sort them out.
    *****************************************

    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

    Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

    Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

    Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

    To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

    Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

    When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

    Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

    After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was "more humane".

    There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

    Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

    Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

    The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided into two.

    Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

    When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.

    If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

    Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

    Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

    Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."

    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

    There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

    In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson's disease.

    Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.

    Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.

    Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down!

    There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

    Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

    Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

    Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

    When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

    It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

    Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

    While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he can't do that, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

    It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.

    Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norrisi.

    God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.

    Chuck Norris is the only male to give birth. His only child; Vin Diesel.

    Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.

    Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.

    The letters in Chuck Norris' name can be rearranged to spell "Doom" in twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.

    Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

    Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

    Chuck Norris is the only person ever capable of telling if an aircraft landed in soil by tasting it.

    Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Ever.

    Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

    If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your ass and take your dollar.

    We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

    Chuck Norris volunteers at retirement homes just so he can push old people in wheelchairs onto the freeway.

    Helen Keller's favorite color was Chuck Norris.

    A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

    Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

    One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact teas-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris does not see dead people; he makes people dead.

    When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'".

    Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then shout at them, “Trix are for Chuck Norris.”

    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

    Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky".

    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

    As a teen Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

    A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

    The sun doesn't actually rise or set. Chuck Norris simply claps twice.

    Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon. You do the math.

    Chuck Norris cloned himself just to see if he could kick his own ass. The result was the second ice age.

    Rather than "good intentions," Chuck Norris paved the road to Hell with the mangled corpses of the Viet Cong.

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

    Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

    Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

    The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

    If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

    Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

    There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

    Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

    Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

    Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

    When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

    The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

    A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

    Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

    Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

    Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

    The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

    Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

    Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

    Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

    Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

    Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

    Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

    Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.

    Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.

    If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.

    Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

    The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

    Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

    When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

    There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

    Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

    Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

    When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

    Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

    There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

    Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

    A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

    When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.

    Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

    Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

    When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

    How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

    Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

    In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".

    Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

    If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

    The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

    Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

    When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

    While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

    Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

    When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

    Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

    Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

    For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one

    When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

    Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.

    When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

    When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."

    One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    When Chuck Norris plays Red Rover, he walks over to the other line, roundhouse-kicks the first person, watches them all fall over in a domino, and screams out "Norris is over"

    Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  • Wed Jan 11 2006, 09:56pm
      
    Z-Man
    Level 8

    Yes, there was only one man able to kick Chuck's ass.
    He later died... Chuck still lives... coincidence???
  • meez
    Level 1

    Made me think of this.

    http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/285267

    For some reason, ahh well.. Made me laugh.

    Printing that off and taking it into school tommorrow smile.
  • youngvolunteer
    Level 1

    Funny, but what's his middle name?

    The letters in Chuck Norris' name can be rearranged to spell "Doom" in twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.


    It's going to make me sound really lame, and sorta like a party pooper... but the closest thing to "Doom" in esperanto is: deadmoni, meaning to "deter"... But I was cracking up while i was rading it. But esperanto is a good unknow launguage... especially in the US.

    (Mom made us learn some esperanto a few years back for school...)

    PS. I'm just the normal kind of freak,
  • youngvolunteer
    Level 1

    Not quite as funny as the rest of the jokes here, but none the less...



    The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

    When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

    A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

    The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

    The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

    The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

    "Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---God, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained , your life would still be full.

    The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

    The sand is everything else---the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

    "Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."


    One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.

    It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
  • youngvolunteer
    Level 1

    Manners:

    During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the

    students,one by one "Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner

    with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to

    the rest room?

    "Just a minute, I have to go pee", he said.

    The teacher replied, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you

    John, how would you say it?" "I am sorry, but I really need to go to

    the bathroom, I'll be right back." The teacher responded, "That's

    better, but it's still not very mannerly to say the word 'bathroom' at

    the table."

    "And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and

    show us your good manners."

    "I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have

    to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get

    to meet after dinner."

    The teacher fainted.



    This next joke is sort of adult, so be warned. It's not as adult as that ad that shows up ion this site with the girl in a black bikini. But if anyone hasa problem with it, just let me know.



    A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father,


    "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?


    The father, surprised, answers,

    "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's
    breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties,
    they
    are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are
    like
    onions."
    "Onions?"


    "Yes, you see them = and they make you cry."


    This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,
    "Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"


    The mother, surprised, smiles and answers,
    "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy
    is
    like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a
    birch, flexible but reliable.
    After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."


    A Christmas tree?


    "Yes, dead from the root up = and the balls are for decoration only.
  • youngvolunteer
    Level 1

    Sorry, but here's another slightly adult type joke...

    In a 6th grade classroom, the teacher was asking her students questions about their homework.


    "what bodypart increases to 10 times its size
    when stimulated?"


    No one answered until little Molly
    stood up, angry, and said, "You should
    not be asking 6th graders a question like
    that! I'm going to tell my parents, and
    they will go and tell the principal, and
    you'll get fired!" She then sat back down.


    Mrs. Parks ignored her, and asked the
    question again, "Which body part increases
    to 10 times its size when stimulated?"


    Little Molly's mouth fell open, and she
    said to those around her, "Boy, is she
    gonna get in big trouble!"


    The teacher continued to ignore her and
    said to the class, "Anybody?"


    Finally, Jimmy stood up, looked around
    nervously, and said, "The body part that
    increases to 10 times its size when
    stimulated is the pupil of the eye."


    Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Jimmy." Then
    turned to Mol ly and continued, "As for you,
    young lady, I have three things to say:

    First, you have a dirty mind.

    Second, you didn't read your homework.

    And third, one day you are going to be
    VERY, VERY disappointed"


    Sorry, but those joke were the only ones I had in my email box...
  • JON42
    Level 1

    A distinguished looking young lady is on a flight returning from
    Switzerland. She finds herself seated next to a priest and asks"
    Excuse me father, may I ask a favour of you?"

    "Well of course Miss, what can I do for you?" he replies.
    "Here's the dilemma, I purchased for myself, a superbly sophisticated
    electronic hair remover. I paid a lot of money for it. I really went well
    over the limits set forth by Customs, and I fear they will confiscate it
    from me. Could you perhaps secret it through Customs for me under your robes?"

    "I certainly could my dear, only I must warn you I really am not ever able to lie..."

    "You have such an honest face father, surely they will never ask any
    questions of you," and with that she hands him the hair remover.

    After landing they proceed through Customs and it becomes the father's turn in line.
    "Father, do you have anything to declare?" asks the Custom's officer.

    "From the top of my head to my waist I have nothing to declare my son."

    Finding this answer a little strange the custom's officer proceeds to ask,
    "And from the waist to the floor, what do you have to declare?"

    The father replies, "I have a marvellous little instrument destined to be
    used on a woman, but which has never yet been used..."

    Roaring with laughter the Custom's officer says, "Go right through father. shades
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